Tuesday, January 14, 2014

How I almost missed my big fat positive

You may have noticed that I haven't posted much about our I.F. journey since this post where I cursed Mother Nature and was mustering the courage to call my Doctor to take the official negative test.  After yesterday's post you finally know why.

The next day was a crazy one for sure.  The "official test" is the type where they give you a time range to be there and a nurse fits you in when the Doctor doesn't need her. I was dreading it so I opted for the afternoon spot.  I just knew I was going to break down and not want to go back to work afterwards.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my Doctor and his nurses? They are just absolutely amazing.  I've never told them about my blog so I don't feel right posting their names (hence the abbreviations I use when I talk about Dr.L).  They are just amazing.  When I arrived at the office, Nurse C quickly came to get me out of the waiting room and thanked me for not waiting until right before they close to arrive.  

In order to explain this, I do need to get into a little detail about my "monthly visitor."  On this day, my visitor was about 1/8th her normal strength.  Nurse C did not seem too worried but did leave to chat with Dr.L while we waited for the test to finish.  He decided it was fine and probably my body adjusting the Letrozole from the Clomid.  We both stared at the pee stick and waited.  Of course, it was a big fat negative.  I didn't cry, I just kind of sighed, thanked Nurse C and headed to the Pharmacy.  I'm not sure how I got anywhere, I just sort of zoned out.

I woke up the next morning to absolutely no monthly visitor. I had taken my double dose of Letrozole the night before and started to freak out.  The office opens at 8:30am but I know they have surgeries starting at 7:30am so I called Nurse C at 7:31am on the dot.  I feel bad for how much I rambled on her voicemail.
Something just isn't right. I still feel pregnant. I just...this isn't normal. Is there another test I can take? I don't want to keep taking the Letrozole just in case. I just don't know how to explain, this is not normal."
She called me back within the hour (because they are just that amazing) and calmly told me to get a blood test done at the lab near where I work.  She told me that if I did it before lunchtime she would make sure I knew what was going on before the end of the day.  The moment I got a break I walked practically ran to the lab.  The next few hours felt like an eternity.  I was back at my desk by 10am, so I told myself I had to wait until 3pm before I could call Nurse C, the lab tech said they would send over the results by 11:30am.

3pm comes, I can't take it any longer. I call  the office and Nurse C Answers:
Nurse C: It's positive
Me: For what? What do I have? (this part makes me laugh now)
Nurse C: You're pregnant
Me: Wait. What? How? What? But I took the Letroi...what?
Nurse: Dr. L is in surgery on the other campus, he is supposed to call me when he is done. I have been waiting to ask him about the Letrozole but don't take anymore.
Me: ok
Nurse: Are you ok?
Me: Yes, I think so. So you're calling me back when?
Nurse: I will call you before I leave today.
Me: Thank you!

The next few hours I tried my hardest to concentrate, get at least some work done.  But most of the afternoon went like this:
I am finally pregnant.  All this heartbreak is finally for something.  Now, do I immediately text the hubby and tell him or do I surprise him?  We just had our "it's ok, it will happen, this was the 1st month we showed positive signs." talk last night.  He won't be expecting it.  Maybe I can still get in my dream "surprise the Hubby with pregnancy announcement."  Oh my goodness, why do I not have a plan for this? How am I going to tell him.  SOCKS.  He needs socks.  He has been complaining about his socks, I will go buy baby socks and tell him I bought him new socks.  Perfect, I have to go to Target anyways.  He told me not to buy any onsies, is ok now? Yes it's ok now.  OMG  I am pregnant.  It has finally happened.  Oh crude, what was I doing?...
After work the Nurse called me back and assures me since I only took one Letrozole dose I should be ok, we also talk about how to give up coffee and she makes me promise the buy prenatal vitamins tonight.  She is awesome.

So I get home with my bag of two onsies (I limited myself), prenatal vitamins, and a pair of baby socks.  As soon as I walk in Corey gets up and starts walking in the kitchen. I panic.  I should have switched around the bags in the car (I bought some other things as well).  I panic and just hand him a bag.  He is very confused.
C: What is this?
Me: Just open it
C: Prenatal vitamins? Why are you handing me these (to his credit I have been taking them on and off during this entire process so they weren't an immediate clue)
Me: Just keep looking in the bag
C: Shuffles through the bag very confused
Me: We're pregnant!
C: What? No. That's not possible. I thought...didn't you have Letrozole last night?
Me: Yes but I went for a blood test today and we are pregnant!
Not the reveal I have always dreamed of but once it sunk it we had a fun "jumping up and down" session and took photos with the onesies.  We decided I would take a home test to see if it would show up.  It barely did, but it did! My first Big Fat Positive!

The rest of the night we spent planning how we would tell each person in our family and close friend circle.

Even now, it hasn't really sunk in.  We've had fun telling people.  We were really lucky that Dr.L could fit us in the Monday before Thanksgiving to confirm the egg was in the right place (just one) and even printed out a copy to show to my family.  We flew out very early Tuesday for Thanksgiving and were bursting at the to tell everyone, it really was perfect timing and I got my perfect Hanukkah gift after-all!  I will post separately about how we told different members of the family, the ultrasounds and how things are going so far.

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