Friday, June 7, 2013

Letting Go!

I am a pack-rat, an organized one but a pack-rat none-the-less.  With the moving date hovering over my head my main focus has been packing, purging and finishing it quickly.  We have so much "stuff" and sadly most of it is mine.  I am not talking the normal collection of shoes & purses (although I have those as well), I mean just stuff.  Papers, furniture from when I was growing up, my old baby blankets, my old Barbies; just so much Stuff!  Every time I move I find a reason to keep these things and somewhere to hide them where no one will know, then Corey moved in and discovered my dirty "little" secret.

When you moved out of your parents house, what did you leave behind?  When I moved out in 2001 for college, my parents moved as well so I was left to take whatever I wanted to keep, which turned out to be anything and everything I could get in my car and portion of the moving truck.  I moved in to my dorm and the rest went in to storage.  After college I was able to furnish fill my entire apartment.  Seven years later and something about being married, settled and truly happy has finally allowed me to let go of the emotional attachment to most of this furniture and old letters.  Yes, until a few days ago I still had the twin bed frame that I slept on Sophomore year of High School until I finally bought an "adult" Queen bed a year after college.

Most of these items were hidden in our attic or the closet of my office.  As soon as we found out we were were moving it was time to start packing and purging.  Corey started by pulling down the Ikea Twin Bed frame.  He just saw a random bed frame, I saw the first Bedroom I was ever able to decorate with all brand-new furniture that I picked out, I see one of the last times my Mother and I were truly Happy together, I think of my Step Dad John that I would give anything to be back in-touch with, I see the first house I finally called home.  At least those are all the things that it used to mean to me, but something in my brain has finally let go and that sucker got posted on Craigslist.  I also gave away my tub of Barbies, I mean when we have kids she will want brand new Barbies, not Mommy's 30 year old dolls!!  Until now, all I could think of is how hard I know my mom worked to be able to buy those toys for me; now it feels amazing to know a friend's daughter was delighted to have them!

With my B.S in Psychology I have very unofficially decided that somewhere in my adolescent brain I unconsciously started collecting things, thinking the more I had the harder it would be to move?  Maybe if I had too much stuff we would have to stay in one place?  Obviously I am an accountant who never experienced the clinical side of Psychology and have no real authority to self-diagnose but as I look at some of the items I have held on to, this is all I can think.

Anyone else still have notes from Middle School, Cards from their 5th Birthday & Letters from their College Boyfriend?  What was my plan with these?  I kept the notes from Middle School & High School, from the friends I am still in touch with and the cards from Grandparents through the years; everything else was trashed.  The letters from old boyfriends, especially "that" boy who broke my heart the night before college graduation, I cannot tell you how freeing it felt to throw them in the garbage and then take that bag straight to the dumpster.

If anyone had forced me to get ride of these items before I was ready I don't think I would feel as strong & free as I do now, I would of felt something missing.  I can't explain how things can have an emotional tie, but I am happy that I have finally been able to let go of most of them.  I did keep every single card and letter from Corey though, because those make my heart happy.

1 comment:

  1. I am SO proud of you! Not only do I understand where you're coming from, and have stashes of my own, but I'm also trying to get to the point where I can start my own movement of "letting go." I know how hard it can be, but things are just things. Memories and love are what make our lives richer, and no one can take those away from you! I'm here if you ever need a kick in the butt to keep going, and I hope you'll do the same for me!